My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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