I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
