you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize