Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
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I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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