before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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