you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
