Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
