I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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