im about as happy as oj after his trial
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
