Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I currently don't understand fingers.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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