Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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