my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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