drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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