so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
