i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
