I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
