Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
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Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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