i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
