Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
