I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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