Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
