i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
