THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
