My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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