Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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