I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The uberlube is also flammable
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
