i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the day after is always just damage control
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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