My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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