I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize