She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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