I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Barsexuality is the new black.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
