dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm bleeding and have questions
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
