When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
