I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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