My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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