So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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