We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
