I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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