YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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