theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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