We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
