my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize