I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
