I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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