She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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