When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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