Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
im on a boat
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