if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
