so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
