I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
