I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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