woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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