It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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