i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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