there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
