She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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