Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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