you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
