You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
