Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
