Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
