u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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