i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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