I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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