I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
