you're like a bully in the Christmas story
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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