he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
