things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
