i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
