Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize