There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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