Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
