so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
