Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Swine flu is the new snow day.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
