I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
