and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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