Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
